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Infertility. Why is this not spoken about more freely?

Why are we ashamed of our struggles falling pregnant or having miscarriages? Why do we wait 13 weeks before we can share pregnancy news to make sure we are in the “safe zone”? I’m confused to say the least. Maybe because i’m a glass half full kinda girl.

I know i haven’t struggled as bad as other women. I know there’s women out there who rather just want to keep their life private. But i also know there’s women who cry alone, who need support, who don’t realize how many other women go through this and who need advice, but they are just too afraid to ask. I’m here to tell you it is okay. It will be okay. Speak up, cry on my shoulder, find your voice.

I have had numerous messages and emails from women all over who want to talk, who wants to vent and ask the questions they afraid to ask. These messages bring me to tears every time – to each women struggling – i am here for you, i know what you are feeling! I will chat to you about our journey as much as you need me to.

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Every month, you do it all right. You google “how to get pregnant” over and over and over again. You have all the apps, the ovulation kits, the books and the pregnancy tests just waiting for those two weeks post ovulation so you can test to just maybe, maybe, see a squinter of a line next to the control line. I know, i have been there, it friggin sucks.

It was so hard trying our best every month and NOTHING. Women around you get pregnant. Women you feel that don’t even deserve it. Women that didn’t even want to be pregnant. You want that baby, you want the nausea, you want the fatigue and the swollen ankles. And there’s these women… Complaining day after day how horrible their pregnancy is and telling you things like “You can be glad you not pregnant” or “Kids are just going to make your life difficult” Slap them, i dare you! I know i would.

You know, the day i found out i was pregnant it was honestly one of those out-of-body experiences everyone always talk about. I planned to take the test the next morning after being two weeks late (with many negative tests just a week prior, so meh, wasn’t expecting much or anything, especially always having confusing cycles). While my husband was in the shower, the tests were staring at me. I had to take one, i had like 4 just sitting there. I took one. ONE. After 354 days of wishing and praying, 100+ negative tests (and thousands of rands spent on them), there was the clearest blue line i have ever seen. And you ladies that are “pee-on-a-stick” addicts like i am, would know that seeing such a clear line after just wishing for a super faint one, is enough to make you drop down to your knees, cry and just praise the Lord your blessing is growing inside you. It happened. After 354 days of actively trying, 4 medicated cycles and lots of heartache – it happened. I tested again. Another plus. I tested with a normal “two-line” test. And there were two clear lines. Next day i bought that nifty Clearblu digital – and there it was. “Pregnant 2-3 weeks” (Meaning 4-5 weeks by the way!)

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My point of all this rambling is : It will be okay. Gosh i wish i can hug you ladies struggling and just scream into your ear that your miracle will come! It’s on it’s way! Don’t give up hope, don’t stop trying, don’t stop just because you THINK you cannot handle it. I’m here to tell you that YOU can. You can do this, you will get pregnant, you will have a baby and you WILL get what you have been longing for for so long.

So my tips on staying sane and staying positive during your trying to conceive journey:

  • Create an account on Instagram (you can be anonymous and set it to private as well)
  • Connect with other ladies in the same boat as you.
  • Chat, talk and vent to them. Share your struggles and successes.
  • Go on Pinterest, search and download some quotes to your phone. I used to post a quote a day on my Trying To Conceive Instagram account. Pinterest has a few boards with infertility quotes that really give you a boost when you down.
  • Share moments of your journey. How you are feeling, what you are dealing with and even when you have a doctors appointment coming up. You will be amazed at how supportive the community is.
  • Guess what? you do not have to REMAIN positive through the entire process! Vent! Cry! Scream if you have to. Punch the walls and break some plates on the bad days. You are allowed to feel angry. Do not let anyone make you feel otherwise. BUT : Do not stay angry too long. Deal with your emotions and flush it out of your system. Do not let these feelings control you.
  • Recognize that some people are going to say stupid or hurtful things–no matter what. I wish this statement wasn’t true, but the fact remains that many people harbor misconceptions about infertility, or are insensitive to other people’s feelings. It is a small comfort, but the fact is that people will say stupid and hurtful things about any number of subjects, not just infertility alone.
  • DON’T GIVE UP HOPE. There is always hope – you just have to find it within yourself.

And for the mommies that are pregnant with their miracle baby or probably already have their miracle baby in their arms, keep reading. This is for you!

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So to celebrate the struggle of infertility babies – Tiny Tribe Kids and Raising Little James have collaborated to bring you this amazing little range of body vests for your miracles. Celebrate the journey! Celebrate that little life growing inside you! Celebrate the life you have given to that perfect little human. If you do buy one of these, please be sure to tag us in your photos on Facebook or Instagram at Raising Little James and hashtag #RaisingLittleJames so i can see all your gorgeous pictures!

There is : Rainbow baby, Worth the Wait, I’m your tiny miracle and my favorite, Answered Prayer.

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6 thoughts on “The big “I” : Infertility”

  1. Wow, loved this article. I had an ectopic pregnancy in Dec and have been trying SO hard to fall pregnant again and it’s just not happening. The article has encouraged me to not give up. Thank you!

  2. Thank you for helping break the stigma associated with infertility!
    Your post made me cry, laugh & long for our miracle.
    Two years ago I went for my usual yearly check-up & told my gynae that we had been trying for a baby for almost 3 years but nothing had happened. We had also been having acupuncture & Chinese medicine to try regulate my periods & improve fertility but to no avail. I had had numerous operations for ovarian cysts & endometriosis, but we were still not prepared for what she told us.
    My AMH was only 0.5 & my right ovary & tube had to be removed because the were so badly damaged. My left tube had to be completely cleared out & we were told our only option was IVF. We also didn’t have time on our side as we were told we have maximum 2 years to try fall pregnant.
    We went home, & discussed our plans. In October 2015 we started our IVF journey & were absolutely amazed when we got a positive pregnancy test! Our dreams were answered & we began picturing our perfect lives together with our much longed-for baby.
    However, it was not meant to be. On my husbands birthday at the end of December we discovered I had suffered a missed miscarriage & there was no heartbeat or growth since 10 weeks. I was sent home & almost 2 weeks later I miscarried before undergoing a D&C.
    It broke our hearts, but we were determined this wouldn’t be the end.
    We went for another round of IVF in April, but sadly this didn’t work.
    My health took a rapid decline (I have a rare autoimmune neuromuscular disease) & we were advised to focus on getting me strong again before trying for a baby again.
    And now? Now we are still fighting for my health, but have not given up on our dream on having a baby! We are now deciding between trying one more IVF with my eggs & uterus, or my eggs & a surrogate, or a friends eggs & a surrogate.
    One way or another we WILL get our miracle!!

  3. This post has me in tears! We tried for probably the same amount of time,also with four rounds of medication and plenty months of tears and disappointment. Now I’m laying here with TWO little lives kicking in my belly and although I’m not sure what the future holds for our family but I know these little girls were loved and prayed for and wanted with our whole hearts before they even existed. I wish more people spoke about their experience as hard as it is because it gives others the hope to soldier through the struggle. Xxx loving this beautiful range.

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